Self-esteem

Self-esteem is the honest value and love you hold for yourself. Not to be confused with outside validation that is the value or love others hold for you – or how you think others see you. Self-esteem is vital! Outside validation is a great thing if it confirms your own esteem, not if you mistakenly make it the basis for your feelings about yourself. Someone who believes in you and expects great things of you is fantastic and can boost you but unless you own this as a new attitude and self-opinion it will fall away leaving you feeling less than you did before. Self-Esteem is earned by you from your actions and through ownership of your own value.

by Richard Riche Self-Esteem trainer and Motivational speaker

For more information about building a Dynamic foundation of Self-Esteem please go to 

 www.emotionalpictures.co.za 

 or 

www.youtube.com/user/ricriche

Ownership

Any ambition/motivation that is not your own is negative.

If you are not doing it for yourself (honestly owning what you get out of it) then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. No matter how noble or selfless it may seem. What you do will not fulfil you but rather will leave you empty and hollow. If you can own what you get out of that very same activity, acknowledge that you get something out of it, then the same activity which before left you feeling hollow or empty will now give you a greater sense of accomplishment. Negative motivation may not only leave you feeling hollow and quite empty but may necessitate you trying to fill the void with behaviour that takes you further away from who you honestly want to be. You can change a negative motivation to one that is more positive. You can own what you get out of it. Even though you began the activity to satisfy someone other than yourself as you realise you really enjoy it or that you get something out of it you value, then you can change your ambition to positive


Richard Riche is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer  www.emotionalpictures.co.za

Changing the meaning of past emotional pictures

We spend so much time reacting to our past, our limitations and the pictures we hold of what life is really about. Our past is ultimately a collection of emotional pictures we hold. Our perspective of things changes based on the meaning and emotional weight we give events. If you can change the meaning of an event you can change the emotional picture. When your mother shouted at you it might not have been because you were a useless child but because she’d had a bad day. Holding an emotional picture of yourself as defective means you take everything that happens as your fault. It is not just a case of looking differently at the same world but experiencing it differently and being different. Remember - your brain and body respond directly to the emotional pictures you hold. If you hold the emotional picture of yourself as confident and happy you will begin to experience this. The key is honesty - not wishful thinking. Take it day by day. We have held the old pictures for years it may take a little bit of practice and time to change them. It may feel a little like you are just pretending at first, but you are beginning to change the feeling engine that drives you. Use your memories and imagination, remembering times when you have succeeded and felt good about yourself. Apply these feelings in other areas of your life. This is not a substitute for doing the work, learning new information but it will allow you to learn easier and recall it more efficiently.


Richard Riche  is a Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer
www.emotionalpictures.co.za

Public speaking - emotional pictures

Let‘s look at the example of public speaking. For most people this is a nerve wracking experience. The first time we have to stand up in front of a group of people and talk we become terrified. Think about the pictures these nervous speakers are imagining… the pictures are of failing, being terrified, what can go wrong – their bodies react physically and chemically to these pictures and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If we have done quite a lot of public speaking before we have a certain level of confidence and the pictures we hold are more confident. Some people never get over their fear of public speaking as they constantly imagine the worst.

How different you would feel if you held a picture of yourself having successfully achieved what you are setting out to do? Imagine sitting down after your talk with that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction of a job well done. If your body and mind are going to physically and chemically act on the pictures we hold let’s give the ones that work for us. When watching we pick up whether someone is confident or terrified. Part of this confidence is the pictures they are holding. You can see and feel this confidence. In speaking being prepared by knowing your topic is essential but so is being prepared emotionally, holding an emotional goal of where you want to be. This applies to all areas of your life. As we prepare ourselves emotionally we are far more elegantly able to cope with the areas that make us nervous. 



Richard Riche  is a Self-Esteem trainer and Motivational speaker
http://www.emotionalpictures.co.za

Emotional Pictures

Our emotional pictures are the honest feelings we hold about ourselves. Consistency is essential in clear communication. If someone says “I am happy to be here” but their face, body language or tone gives a different impression, misery for example, we do not believe them. Similarly imagine how you’d feel if someone said, “I really love you!” but looked distractedly at the people walking past as they said in a bored sounding tone. It may have been just what you wanted to hear but it was a mixed message leaving you feeling a little uncomfortable. Now imagine the same message “I really love you!” and they look directly into your eyes, smiling and touching your hand their voice a little husky with emotion. That gives a clear message that has a whole different impact that the first mixed message with the bored tone.

In excess of 70% of communication is non-verbal. How you say it, the tone, inflection, attitude and body language are more important than the words. These all convey emotion and subtle meaning adding layers to the pictures. These layers also convey what we think of ourselves and other people too. A person with emotional pictures of themselves as confident and happy will convey this to others in the way they walk, talk, act towards themselves and how interact with others. No matter how calm and confident, or stressed and scared, they may appear to be on the surface their honest emotional pictures do come through. It doesn’t matter what you think would your pictures should be, it matters what they actually are, how you honestly feel about yourself. There is a balance and sense of emotional continuity that happens when someone’s thoughts, words and deeds are consistent. An emotionally honest person is one whose actions and words are consistent with the inner emotional pictures. Desperation is extremely unattractive. Most people would respond better to the more confident person. Confidence is far more attractive.



Richard Riche  is a Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer
http://www.emotionalpictures.co.za

Emotional Goal Setting

Emotional goal setting – How to make your emotional goals your primary goals - how you want to feel and what you expect to feel from achieving your tangible goals. Most people set tangible goals to the detriment of what they are really looking for - The emotional goals.

Take for example a young man buying an expensive car. Why does he buy it? If he buys the car because he thinks it will make him feel a certain way then he will eventually be disappointed. Things do not change the way we feel on a foundation level. If the purchase of the expansive car was the tangible goal then the feeling he was really aiming for was the emotional goal. His attention and energy was focussed on the wrong goal. Tangible goals are important but what we are looking for is generally the emotional goal. So we are disappointed when the tangible goal does not provide the achievement of the emotional goal. If he had set a goal of feeling success as his primary goal, rather than as a secondary goal, he would have been satisfied when he achieved that. Tangible goals are important but your emotional goals should be the primary goals.

A different example is in the dating arena. What are you looking for? Someone tall, good-looking, wealthy or who drives a fancy car?

Unfortunately if that is your primary goal you may miss out on the goal you ultimately look for – that emotional connection, comfort and support which is essential in an intimate loving relationship. If you get all the tangible things you asked for does this make you feel satisfied? Are you happy?

If instead you create a list of what you want in a relationship from an emotional point of view, that level of comfort, connection, communication and the real delight of the presence of the one you love and you get that - are you happy? Do you feel satisfied?

So how do you set your emotional goals?

Take a look at the tangibles you desire in your life and look at what you think you’ll get emotionally from them. When setting your emotional goals how you want to feel is far more important than what you want to happen. Have you ever looked back and realised that you are glad that a specific event you wanted to happen did not in fact happen as certain information came to light that made you realise that the tangible goal was not in fact a great idea or was set far too low?

If you, however, set an emotional goal of being happy, experiencing joy or satisfaction no matter how it looks or the tangible achievement if you achieve that goal of satisfaction you feel great and a success.

If you set a tangible goal of completing a few projects but the day goes a bit off track and you do not complete those specific projects though you may have completed many other tasks that the day threw at you will you feel satisfied and successful? Take instead an emotional goal of getting into bed at night and feeling the joy of a fantastic day, one that stretched you and was thoroughly enjoyable and satisfying. No matter what the day throws at you if you have a day with all green traffic lights and achieve that ownership of each achievement you will feel satisfied and successful.

This does not mean you should not set specific achievable tangible goals. In fact those are important. What it does mean is you should add your emotional goals for the day as your primary goals. Have the tangible goals as the secondary goals for the day.

Richard Riche  is a Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer at www.emotionalpictures.co.za

One clear message

one clear message

It is important that when we communicate with ourselves, or others, we send one clear message. If someone speaks to you and their tone and body language are sending a different message to the one painted by your words you are sending a mixed message. Your brain thinks in pictures. Take for example the phrase “Don’t slam the door” it tells you not to do something but describes a vivid image of exactly what you are asked not to do – this mixed message often causes anxiety.

The phrase “Please close the door gently”, however, sends one clear message. Each phrase means essentially the same - in language. The pictures the words create, however, are vastly different.

Most people react primarily to pictures rather than the words. In the first example above most people would slam the door rather than close it gently as that was the image suggested. In fact the first message of “don’t slam the door” is poor communication as it is a mixed message. For communication to be most affective it should have one clear message. We communicate with our words, the pictures they create, our body language, our tone and intent. The above massage we understand intellectually but we react to the image the words create. Both “Don’t slam the door” and “Do slam the door” create the same picture in our minds though we understand intellectually there is a different meaning.

Try use sentences where the tone, picture created by the words and words all align with one clear meaning.

DON’T think of a RED BALL. It is almost impossible command as you see the RED BALL as soon as it is mentioned.

Think of a GREEN BALL. This is far easier and produces a clear message of what you want.

Remember your brain can’t really process the words don’t, can’t, shouldn’t, mustn’t, etc as effectively as it can a clearer message. Your brain and body react most powerfully to the pictures they imagine when you speak or someone else does.

When you say, “I mustn’t eat that cake as I am getting fat.” Your brain envisages images, creates pictures of you eating the cake and you getting fat. The statement “I want to eat healthy food as I am enjoying getting fitter and healthier.”

Richard Riche is a Communication trainer, Motivational speaker and Self-esteem trainer  at www.emotionalpictures.co.za